Just another day.

Today was one of those days where I wish I could have stayed curled up in my bed for the entire day. If anything, it would have saved me from this migraine I've endured the last few hours. 

The beginning of the day started off great, however. I slept in, had breakfast at my parents, picked up Cheyanne, and headed off to Mansfield to pick up a tablet for my customer and a few phones for the store. While I was at my store dropping off all the equipment that's when it all went down hill. Cheyanne started heading to the door and had the uncomfortable 'I have to go potty' look. It wasn't uncommon of her to deny that she has to go to the restroom whenever I ask, but the look on her face struck me a little differently. She pointed to her chest, stopped talking, and couldn't explain to me what was going on or if anything hurt. 

I sat her in my lap and continued to ask her what hurt, she finally responded by shaking her head yes when I asked her if she was okay. So, I asked her to sit on the chair while I finish up some business at work. She sat down and continued watching Ariel on youtube and then started doing this new burping/gagging episode that she has just recently discovered gets her attention. There's really no easy way to describe it because I've never seen another child do it. It's typical of her to do it when she gets very agitated because she's not getting her way but this was the first time it was unprovoked. I grabbed a trash can because I thought she may have to vomit, but she continued to hover over the chair grasping for air and continuously burping. I pushed the chair out of the way, sat down, and put her on my lap. I looked into her eyes and saw the blank stare I've often witnessed before the beginning of one of her seizures. I laid her down on the floor and put my hand under her head, there was no carpet anywhere... the only choice I had was to lay her on the tile floor. And I waited, I still wasn't 100% sure that this wasn't fake. 

Her face would turn bright red, her body would tense up and shake, she'd clinch her fist, hold her breath, grasp for air, burp, and then it would start all over again. At this point my manager that was witnessing all of this was baffled and I'm sure disturbed by her odd behavior. I wasn't exactly 'non-chalant' about the situation but this definitely wasn't my first round of abnormal responses. I've learned to tone my panic down, search for any triggers, and try my best to calm her down. I laid down beside her and all I knew to do to calm her down was talk to her. I rubbed her back and repeatedly told her that she was going to be okay and that I was there. 

At this point the episode was dragging on longer than usual, her lips started looking dry and it's a good possibility that this could be the hypochondriac in me but her lips started looking a slight shade of purple. So, I gave my boss the go ahead to call the paramedics. He continued spouting off questions about Cheyanne's medical history, while I'm trying to call the only other autism mom in town to get any type of reassurance, and trying to calm Cheyanne down. I felt a slight anxiety attack of my own coming on. 

The moment the paramedics piled into the room Cheyanne sat up and started 'tying' her shoe? She just twists the laces together over and over, it has become one of her new obsessions. I sat there staring at my child angry, hurt, and completely embarrassed. There were eight or nine paramedics scrunched into the tiny office looking at me, I'm sure wondering where the child was that was supposedly having a seizure. Thankfully my manager was in the doorway to vouch for me not being completely crazy. The paramedics and firefighters were more than understanding, especially when I told them that she was autistic. I explained to them that I just put her on the GF/CF diet, about her abnormal EEG, and how she has done this in the past when she got upset. The EEG came back abnormal because of the patterns and tendency of seizures due to light, but they couldn't officially diagnose her with epilepsy because none of her seizures were caused by light. The paramedic told me that it's highly unlikely that the diet could have caused it, but it is a possibility. 

I had called my aunt during the whole episode because I needed someone there with me, she called my mom and told me she was on her way. I hear my mom running to the back, pushing past my manager, panicking, and screaming 'I'm the grandmother!'. I couldn't help but laugh because the moment my mom turned the corner she saw my daughter sitting there tying her shoe laces like nothing had happened. She looked about as crazy as I felt. Then my aunt showed up moments later. So, here we all were, the paramedics, my family, my boss, and I all staring at my beautiful daughter wondering what the hell just happened. 

Since it was obvious there wasn't much of an emergency anymore, I thanked the paramedics and told them it wasn't necessary to drive her to the hospital. They understood and continued to reassure me that I could call if I ever needed them again. I have so much respect for these men in this town, they have always been so genuine and understanding every time I have called them out. 

Once the paramedics left and we walked out of the office, Cheyanne smiled and announced, "I'm not sick anymore!". I still stood there in disbelief and tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. Was it a seizure? It didn't look like any that I had ever witnessed. Was it some type of over reaction to some pain she felt in her chest? Maybe some type of reaction to this new diet I put her on? Or completely faked? 

I've always had trouble wrapping my head around the concept of autism, but today is one of those days where I feel so far away from an understanding and has me terrified of what the future may hold. Tomorrow is a new day, and I can only hope for a better outcome.