Advocare Day 2

So I said I'd TRY to write everyday about my 24 day challenge, right? I had every intention of blogging last night but I was up till one trying to get my speech for class uploaded. Now, almost 24 hours later I finally figured out why I was having so many problems and my assignment is extremely late. Guhh, oh well. I still haven't finished my application for the OTA program that is due on the first of next month! My to-do list tomorrow (if I had written it down) is most likely two pages long. So far, however, the spark has really helped me survive the last two days and I actually haven't felt the need for a nap.

On the down side, the fiber drink is awful. Capital A-wful. It's nearly impossible to do everything according to the schedule. You're supposed to drink a Spark thirty minutes before breakfast. I don't even spend thirty minutes getting ready in the morning, I literally crawl out of bed and is in the car eating breakfast on the way to work. Or napping on the couch in between rushing Cheyanne to get ready for school. I envy the parents that wake up at the crack of dawn and make their kids a great breakfast and can sit at the kitchen table without screaming. Don't even get me started on the shows that have the parents completely showered, make-up on, dressed in a suit, drinking a cup of coffee; making eggs, bacon, and sausage all before seven a.m.. Does that actually happen?! If so, please make me a morning person. Then there's the snack three times a day, and the OmegaPlex pills, and the pills to take before bed time.... and then trying to remember to put in these damn rubber bands. 

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, but it's hitting midnight and the only reason I'm still awake is because I've forced myself to update this blog... that no one reads. 

So, to recap...

I have entirely too much to do.
I haven't finished half of it.
The fiber drink is dreadful.
I weighed in yesterday at 166 and I'm determined to reach 135.

I need sleep. 

Advocare

I only have a few more days left till I begin the 24 day challenge with Advocare. I'm terrible at planning meals and if I've had a long day at work I usually swing by fast food or throw something frozen in the microwave or oven. I know, I get mom of the year award. Eating healthy has always been difficult for me, I'm sure a lot of parents would be appalled by mine and Cheyannes' diet. 

I hate every vegetable known to man which is one of the main reasons eating healthy is such a challenge for me. The only vegetables I can deal with is green beans, corn, and raw carrots. If you can even see this calendar I created you'll notice that there are a TON of repetitive meals. I've added broccoli in there a few times, I'll just have to suck it up and take it. It's a start, but hopefully I'll talk myself into branching out and trying new things. I'll have much more time to play with different recipes once I start this new position (10 more days!). I can't live on greasy food for the rest of my life, no matter how delicious it is. 

Here's to a new beginning. 

Priorities

It's amazing how stuff has been falling together lately. Cheyanne was going through a hard time at school a few weeks ago and I made the toughest decision and decided to quit my job. I knew it sounded completely irrational and possibly even a little irresponsible to some but the only thing that I can think of on a daily basis is how much Cheyanne needs me so much more than I can give her. I decided I'd talk to my family about it; tell them my concerns, my fears, my hopes that will come out of the situation and they'd knock some sense into me and tell me how there's no way I could afford my rent, bills, and everything else. Surprisingly, they will all very supportive (give or take one)... but that's when I realized I could actually do this. So, that's when I decided I'd talk to my boss. I told her that I'd be quitting at the end of March (this was the very end of February when I spoke with her), she then reminded me that T-mobile had gave each employee an investment in stock and if I waited till June I could cash out on it. It wasn't a small amount of money, so I figured a few more months wouldn't be terrible and I could save up a little more money. 

Then, just a few days later my boss told me that they are opening up a new position at every T-mobile store and if I was willing to stay I could have it. It's 20 hours a week, no evenings, and no weekends. I'd be in charge of inventory, paperwork, basically all the stuff that is handled in the back, and absolutely no sales. This position literally fell in my lap and is exactly what I've been looking for! I've never been one to stay at home too long, I quit my job a few years back and two months later I was begging for anyone to hire me. So I keep my job, my sanity, have a little bit of income coming in, and I keep all my benefits. I've never really liked the idea of government assistance, but it's time that my pride gets put aside and I do what is important for my daughter. So, beginning April 1st I'll be applying for social security, food stamps, and whatever else to keep me and Cheyanne afloat. I already have plans to get my photography up and running again, I can't believe I'm actually doing this! This is the first job I've ever had that will exclude all evenings and weekends. Cheyanne and I can do whatever we want! :) 

I'm in the process of coming up with an eight week summer school course to help Cheyannie prepare for 2nd grade, along with that I'm hoping to come up with a summer bucket list. It can't be all work with out a little bit of play! As much as I hate to take away a part of her summer and make her do school work, I know she needs a little extra push and it will be the best thing for her. I may consider inviting one of her friends over a few days out of the week and they can join in on the learning, they may actually have some fun doing it! I've bought folders, cards, maps, games, and have came up with a thousand different activities thanks to pinterest. Now the real fun is actually putting it all together, I need some teachers that are good with organization!

I rarely post on here anymore so if my non-existent readers don't know, I'm applying to the OTA (Occupational Therapy Assistant) Program. If I'm accepted I should know by May-June ish. Since my Anatomy grade wasn't great, and I got my Hep B shot in a little later than expected I'm not counting on getting accepted. I'm not too sure, but I think during the meeting they said it was mandatory to have two out of the three shots in the series to be done by the time of the application. I've only had one and I have to wait two months to get my second shot. Getting finished with school is a HUGE priority of mine, but unfortunately my priorities are never in order and I tend to jump around all over the place. For now, my focus is Cheyanne. I'm not completely hopeless though, I'm hoping there is one last miracle in store for me. If not, I'm satisfied with my work miracle ;). 


Lastly, I know I've said this before. I'm sure 100 times. No, make that 1,000. The ONLY way for me to help Cheyanne, to finish school, to stay happy, to give us both the life we deserve is to 'fix' myself. I'm constantly tired, make that exhausted and I'm rarely happy anymore. I've seen myself in the mirror when I'm angry with Cheyanne, I've regretted instantly losing my temper with her, and I know it all boils down to how unhealthy I am. I've thought about it for months and before I had the chance to change my mind I told one of my friends to order me the 24 day challenge for advocare. I don't plan on wearing jeans or yoga pants this summer! My brother and sister in law bought equipment for their garage and they have a mini gym, looks like I'll be hanging with my nephew quite a bit these next few weeks! Once it starts I'm hoping to post once a day about the challenge, I'll keep you posted!

Reading Bingo

I have a love/hate relationship with pinterest lately. I saw this pin at the beginning of the summer last year and I could never figure out how to get the free download, so a few months later I tweaked it and created a winter theme. Cheyanne has been struggling with reading and math in school this last semester and I'm determined to get her grades back up to a B. Each story she reads she has to fill out a banner and put it back on the wall, hopefully this will keep her determined to fill them all up. 

Once she gets a bingo she gets a prize. I promise I didn't have her write "I will feed the fish". She did that all on her own even after I told her that wasn't much of a reward. Looks like I get off easy on that one ;).

I love listening to my girl read, I can't wait to see the progress she makes!

My Friend Has Autism

Everything about today was off-putting; I was informed I owe two different bills to Cheyanne's therapist totaling a little over $700, the store right next to my work was robbed at gun point while I was at work, and once again I've been let down by Cheyanne's school. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the robbery and the bill I owe should be covered by insurance once I get all the paperwork in.



It's only the second week of first grade and Cheyanne has already been picked on by a few kids. If you know me at all, you know I'm not one of those mothers who believes there child is an angel and has never done anything wrong to anyone else... so I'm not pointing the blame completely on the other kids. However, kids can be ugly to others with disabilities whether it's severe or not. So, like any mother would I want to do whatever I can to shield her from pain. I found a few children's books online that discuss the topic of autism, obviously it doesn't go into great detail about autism but it brings awareness to children that everyones different and that's okay. I e-mailed her teacher and asked if she would allow me 15-20 minutes of her class to read one or two of the books. I have realistic expectations... I don't expect every child to understand nor to even listen, but if just one child were to listen, to understand, to show compassion to another child that was 'differen't' from them... then it would be worth it. What if that one child were to become best friends with Cheyanne? 

Her teacher seemed to be onboard and asked me to send the books to school with her and we'd set up a conference to discuss all the details. It was such a relief to get that response. Then, today I received an e-mail saying she had shown the books to the principal and she said they weren't age appropriate. I'm not even sure how many times I have opened my inbox to re-read that e-mail to hopefully have misread it. I've tried looking at it from a different perspective but I can't possibly understand how this can be viewed as something inappropriate. I'm not expecting to go into her class room and have a lecture about autism, I'm reading a children's book... and bringing puzzle shaped cookies. Who doesn't like cookies?! I've been on amazon and the age level for one of the books is Kindergarten and above, all the reviews raved about how it's a great learning tool in a classroom. It only leaves me to believe it's personal, the beginning of Kindergarten last year started out rough. I've given the school a second chance... but I think they may be on their second strike soon. 



Today has been a complete let down, hopefully once I get to speak to the principal face to face and express my concerns I can change her mind.

Light bulb

Too often I catch myself fantasizing over materialistic things. Whether it be decor for my house, new photography equipment, clothes, furniture, electronics, stuff for Cheyanne, a new house.. the list could go on for ever. It's been proven several times that the fulfillment I feel only lasts momentarily. Unfortunately, that cycle may never end.

However, tonight I was reminded that if I had everything I ever wanted it wouldn't come close to how I feel when I have special moments with Cheyanne. Months ago when I would sit down with her and try to work with her on either reading or writing the majority of the time within minutes her head would be on the table and she'd be screaming "I can't do it, I can't do it, it's too hard!". 

I remember walking into her daycare and passing through the cafeteria when a little boy asked me to help him with his math. The boy was about Cheyanne's age and the moment I pointed out his mistake it was as if a light when off in his head. I wanted more than anything to see that in Cheyanne, to see the excitement in her eyes when she figured out a problem she didn't understand. I felt guilty for every feeling I had while helping him. 

Tonight while cooking dinner I finally pulled out the math book that her teacher sent home for her to do during summer break. It was as if I was working with a completely different child! She did five pages front and back, several addition problems on her own. Her excitement from solving a problem was overwhelming. I am so proud of how far this girl has come.

Helpless

The last few weeks have been rough, we've had our good days but the majority of them have left me feeling helpless.

On October 20th my mom, Abby, Kels, me, and Cheyanne all woke up at the crack of dawn to go walk for breast cancer. I've been wanting to attend the walk for years and this year I finally did it, it's the least I can do for Kathy. After walking around and missing the walk we were supposed to be in we hurried to the Autism Speaks Walk. We showed our faces, my mom raised money... I guess that's better than nothing? Next year I'm sure we'll be better prepared. 

Manda showed up later on to walk with us, it was such a great experience. I'm so happy I have these wonderful people in my life to help support Cheyannie. Cheyanne had a minor meltdown and had a few random outbursts, it was pretty awesome having no one stare or gawk at us. They had several resources there, it was comforting to see how many people were out there that could understand our struggle. 

A few days later I discovered we had bed bugs. I've been living in this apartment for two months and the apartment manager of course blames them on Cheyanne, saying she must have picked them up from school. It was definitely a bump in the road that I was not ready for, financially or emotionally. I threw out both of our beds and we stayed at my parents for a week, we're finally back home but I've woke up two nights itching immensely. I hate borrowing money from my family, but I hate bugs even more. The anxiety attacks caused by the lack of sleep those few nights and everything else had me extremely sensitive and I'm sure made everyone else think I was losing it. 

The day after I found out we were infested with bed bugs was the ARD meeting at Cheyanne's school. The whole meeting was not what I expected and left Kathy and I baffled by what they had to say. She was on track with everyone else in her class, she had no behavioral problems, performs in group activities, social with all her peers, and lastly... she is viewed as a leader. As much as I'd love all of these to be true, I don't believe it. Apparently, no one there sees any signs of autism so all they have decided to offer her is speech (possibly after testing) and a tutor to come in during class if she needs extra help. Needless to say, I was beyond frustrated and hurt that they would dismiss everything I had to say. A few days later I get a call from an ABA therapist that lets me know my insurance doesn't cover the therapy she needs. That's when my meltdowns began. That's when I learned how to be an advocate for my daughter, as chaotic life has been lately I'm not going to stop fighting for her. I've found an advocate to come to the next ARD meeting that will speak for Cheyanne, I'm supposed to meet with her in a week and a half. Finding her has made me so much more hopeful that Cheyanne will get all the services she deserves. I've found a tutor, who was also diagnosed with Aspergers, to come help Cheyanne with her reading and writing. 

Have to get ready for our meeting at work, to be continued........... :)